imaginary friend...

heartbreak lends itself well to the spending of long hours listening to songs about heartbreak as one drifts through the painful time it takes to remember yourself, by yourself, and happy. there are many albums perfectly suited for this particular kind of self torture as when one feels this way it is as if every song was written just for you. but i, when i have decided to wade through misery (or joy for that matter) listen to audio books... and lately David sedaris is my author (and reader) of choice. his work tends to consist mostly of stories about his own life told from a first person perspective... so when spending long hours wondering through ones own pain, listening to the funny yet slightly melancholy stories of the same man, it can sometimes lead one to feel as if the stories really are being told directly to you. like a conversation with a friend who is consistently more interesting than i am, so i listen, content to enjoy his company keeping the mundane details of my day to day to myself. this feeling is comforting for the most part, but has recently left me with the urge, when i need to vent... to call... David..Sedaris.. whom of course i don't know, and whom i do know isn't really speaking to me. i know this... but he has become what is essentially a grown up version of an imaginary friend. the only difference is he is not imaginary, except in so far as i feel as if he is my friend...

bloody mary (drinks and ghosts)

those who know me are already well aware that the bloody Mary is my favorite drink by far, (though technically i like bloody caesars, the difference being i use clamato instead of tomato juice); on occasion when i have run out of vodka i have tried variations like the bloody geisha, with sake (not recommended) or the ruddy Mary, with gin (lovely).
tonight, feeling a bit glum and preparing for a lovely bubble bath, i got ready to prepare myself my favorite cheer-me-up beverage. however after realizing i had only one drinks worth of vodka left in my freezer i decided i would wikipedia some other variations to avoid having to take a long pathetic walk through the rain in my pajamas to the liquor store (thus proving to myself that have become a p.j.s in public desperate total degenerate. yeah i could put on pants, but, fuck you public... who are you to judge me "flatbush liquors"? nobody.) anyway already having in my cabinet Jameson and in my fridge beer i tried the bloody molly, with whiskey, which was gross but may have been better if i weren't using clamato... and then i tried the red eye, which is half beer and half clamato.. neither really did it for me but at least the red eye was sorta good even though it didn't compare to the michelada which is a corona or other Mexican beer with hot sauce, a bit of tomato, pepper, and a lime and salt (one of the best hangover cures i can think of and delicious too boot)....

anyway, i gave up on that and decided to go with a hot chocolate with coffee liquor and cayenne pepper. while i was on wikipedia, i checked out the disambiguation page for bloody Mary and suddenly was rocketed back in time to the sleepovers of my adolescence. bloody Mary the creepy little story girls tell each other at sleep overs has always gotten under my skin. having not thought about it in years, suddenly i was recalling my fear, and then... reliving it. bloody Mary is said to have gone crazy and murdered her children, chopping them up into pieces, and the way i heard it she hated her eldest daughter for her pretty face and so slashed it up before she killed her... now, if one goes alone into a dark room with a mirror and repeats her name three times, bloody Mary will appear in the mirror and scratch your face off and kill you... a girl named Stephanie told me that, and ill be honest, I've never done it. i recall in middle school lying at a sleepover, after being sent in to a bathroom alone to test the ritual and lying, claiming i wasn't afraid, and that when i did it, i wasn't surprised when she didn't show.. so Stephanie, here's the truth: i was scared, i didn't do it, I've never done it, i get nervous having even typed her name so many times, even reading it... and I'm still not gonna do it, and no one can make me.